Tuesday, March 10, 2009

TRANSITION: Sometimes Its Too Quiet

Sometimes the quiet in between ideas and actions is so noticeable you can’t help but feel the pressure to fill the void with something, anything. The question is, should you?

When I woke this morning, I felt like I had to do something. There was nothing defined or specific, no one item on my “to do list” that had to be done but I felt that I needed to be doing something.

I had planned my day to keep working (one step at a time) on my action plan for transitioning into my preferred lifestyle. To work on the list of things that need to be done when you are creating your own business (website, business cards, networking, accounting systems, setting up contact info: phone, email, office/work space) and also taking the time to continue writing. I also need to continue to seek out employment that will compliment my new lifestyle and provide a reasonable base salary. Along with this is the necessity of keeping myself physically active and healthy, and doing the usual day-to-day routine things…laundry, housework, grocery shopping etc.

All of these things have priority and need my attention, but none of them seem to be the something I am feeling compelled to do. So I start one thing and find I have no connection. I’m distracted by the void and my attention is being drawn further into a feeling of “maybe I’m missing something” and the slow-rising sense of panic “what if I AM missing something?” Here it comes, the voice of “logic and reason”, or as I’m now recognizing it – the panicked voice of my past and insecurity shouting across the void,
“Return to Corporate Work…PLEASE!! Think of… SECURITY, ROUTINE!! Do anything!!”

BREATHE…I remind myself. PAUSE…and remember.

One day at a time, one moment at a time. Today, there is no need to be concerned. The rent is paid. The bills are paid. There is food in the home. I am healthy. There is nothing I have to do today. I am the happiest I have been in years. The void can remain exactly as it is meant to be – Quiet, Unknown, and Infinite - and with gentle and firm resolve the voice can be ignored. I know intuitively that acting from this place of panic and fear would only send me back down a path I have walked too many times before. I know intuitively that returning to corporate work is a knee-jerk choice, because its safe, because I have confidence in my ability to do the work, because I know it will provide temporary financial security…well-founded, but these are all fear-based reasons.


But how do I know for certain that I haven’t missed something?

I don’t.

I can only trust that as long as I continue to do one thing at a time, every day, towards this new life I will eventually see the something I am meant to be doing next.

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