Tuesday, July 14, 2009

TRANSFORMATION: A reality no longer real

So I wanted to share an aspect of myself that I haven't mentioned here before. For some of my friends (and family) they already know this about me, and for others it may be a side of me they aren't familiar.

I have always been 'sensitive' to the emotions, thoughts and physical well-being of people around me. For many years I would feel (and often embody) them as my own, and had a very difficult time separating who I was and what I felt, from what belonged to other people.

This is how an Empath experiences life.

Over the years, my lack of recognizing this aspect of myself, along with my complete denial of my psychic/intuitive abilities, created an imbalance in my physical and emotional health. My misinterpretation of feelings, and complete disconnection to my true essense, along with my deep desire for acceptance, love and connection, led to a life of emotional eating and dependency on food. As a result, as a teenager I was always overweight, and as a woman, I spent most of my 20's & 30's obese. This physical barrier became my protection and a prison against feeling (empathically, psychically, intuitively and physically).

Part of my transformation has been to bring mindfulness into all aspects of my life, and the other week I wrote (in "Mindful Change") about how I was shedding disconnected aspects. An essential part of my transformation has been physical, especially after being ill in March.

Bringing Mindfulness into each moment has allowed me to stop and be completely present in my decisions. I have been fascinated at my awareness of thoughts, that are completely habitual and subconscious in nature, which have been influencing so many of my decisions.

When it came to my food compulsions, I observed all of these prompts rising from my subconscious mind and assessed them with my present mind. I recognized that they were no longer self-sabotage, or emotional triggers, they were simply old recordings that I had not taken the time to fully pay attention to and decide if they were still valid.

Taking the time to listen to them AND NOT ACT MINDLESSLY, gave me the opportunity to see that there was no longer an underlying issue or emotional trigger associated with these recordings. Being mindful meant that I could decide that the recording could now be erased.

This realization was like the clouds parting after days of rain and allowing the sun to break through!

Lightness and clarity, and more importantly -- the freedom to finally live my life from a place of authenticity and as myself, even though this has brought forth a new element of "good fear in the unknown".

Another stage of my transformation has arrived ~ quietly, without struggle or hardship, and because I took the time to observe, and reject, what for so long I had blindly accepted as being just how things have always been.

I wonder what else is no longer true for me....

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