TRANSFORMATION: Universal Timing

"Sitting quietly, doing nothing, spring comes and the grass grows by itself" ~ Zenrin Kushu


I have found myself pondering the ebbs and flows of cycles in my life. I find myself looking back at the past 10 years, and I see times of exhuberent growth, followed by fallow times, where I am wanting to see change...and at times I have even forced it unnecessarily!

I feel like so much has been going on in the last 12-18 months and I have been so busy planning and planting, that right now, I just need to sit quietly and allow things to happen in their own time....manifest according to the Universal calendar (which I intuitively know will be soon enough). That is not to say that I sit idle, twiddling my thumbs. I can still do my writing, look at the list of goals I had set for myself and quietly take care of what I already have in front of me.

I just need to give everything the space and freedom to create itself, rather than continue to plant more seeds from a place of ... of shouldn't I be "doing more". My blades of grass are about to break through the surface, and in my need to "do more", I'm ready to interupt this by digging around and planting new things.

You don't need to make grass grow any faster!! And really, when you think about it, the beautiful thing is, you actually can't!! It has its own time. There are some things that you just can't force into being.

Its all about rhythm. Its all about tuning in to the energetic tides in your life, and moving consciously and naturally with those tides. Its all about learning to move and flow with that rhythm, and not allowing the need to control, the anxiety of the ego to force you into action, when non-action is what is required.

So, today I will sit quietly, do nothing and wait for my grass to grow.

TRANSFORMATION: Quiet gestation

The past few weeks have been quite profound in many ways, and this past week has been one of quiet contemplation, deeper self-reflection and allowing my body, and my soul to adjust to a new rhythm.

Peaceful.

Quiet.

A pause between breaths....this is what this week has been, and I have enjoyed the not-doing. I have enjoyed simply Being.

TRANSFORMATION: A reality no longer real

So I wanted to share an aspect of myself that I haven't mentioned here before. For some of my friends (and family) they already know this about me, and for others it may be a side of me they aren't familiar.

I have always been 'sensitive' to the emotions, thoughts and physical well-being of people around me. For many years I would feel (and often embody) them as my own, and had a very difficult time separating who I was and what I felt, from what belonged to other people.

This is how an Empath experiences life.

Over the years, my lack of recognizing this aspect of myself, along with my complete denial of my psychic/intuitive abilities, created an imbalance in my physical and emotional health. My misinterpretation of feelings, and complete disconnection to my true essense, along with my deep desire for acceptance, love and connection, led to a life of emotional eating and dependency on food. As a result, as a teenager I was always overweight, and as a woman, I spent most of my 20's & 30's obese. This physical barrier became my protection and a prison against feeling (empathically, psychically, intuitively and physically).

Part of my transformation has been to bring mindfulness into all aspects of my life, and the other week I wrote (in "Mindful Change") about how I was shedding disconnected aspects. An essential part of my transformation has been physical, especially after being ill in March.

Bringing Mindfulness into each moment has allowed me to stop and be completely present in my decisions. I have been fascinated at my awareness of thoughts, that are completely habitual and subconscious in nature, which have been influencing so many of my decisions.

When it came to my food compulsions, I observed all of these prompts rising from my subconscious mind and assessed them with my present mind. I recognized that they were no longer self-sabotage, or emotional triggers, they were simply old recordings that I had not taken the time to fully pay attention to and decide if they were still valid.

Taking the time to listen to them AND NOT ACT MINDLESSLY, gave me the opportunity to see that there was no longer an underlying issue or emotional trigger associated with these recordings. Being mindful meant that I could decide that the recording could now be erased.

This realization was like the clouds parting after days of rain and allowing the sun to break through!

Lightness and clarity, and more importantly -- the freedom to finally live my life from a place of authenticity and as myself, even though this has brought forth a new element of "good fear in the unknown".

Another stage of my transformation has arrived ~ quietly, without struggle or hardship, and because I took the time to observe, and reject, what for so long I had blindly accepted as being just how things have always been.

I wonder what else is no longer true for me....

TRANSFORMATION: Doing it Differently

I stumbled across an entry in my journal from November 2007 and was surprised to see that I had the presence of mind (or awareness) to recognize that the demands on my time from work and others, had left me depleted and in need of simplifying my lifestyle.

With great gusto I declared that I was reclaiming my life and reconnecting with what would feed my soul, and clearing out what no longer served my highest good. I was going to take better care of myself, physically, spiritually, emotionally and ….

Well, here I am almost two years later and I wonder how it is that I had such insight back then, and still did so little to support any real change. Perhaps, more accurately, how I had managed to stop listening so quickly. The voice of my ego chimed in (but not for long) and wondered what was so different this time round, and how many more “a-ha” moments was I going to have, followed by declarations to instigate change with wholehearted determination, only to then quietly petered off as misplaced good intentions. Ignoring the obvious baiting from my ego, I chose (instead) to ponder the now obviously orchestrated chaos the Universe had brought to bear in my life starting in July last year.

A-ha, I thought – with a grin to accompany my appreciation of exactly how brilliant the Universe was – NOW I am beginning to fully comprehend that my invitation to the Universe had truly delivered a sequence of events designed not only to create chaos in my life, but also to ensure that the awareness I had experienced previously would be remembered, therefore ensuring my actions this time would be different.

The chaos and challenges that the Universe has placed on my path have allowed me to examine my life, and many of my choices in a new light, and my awareness and desire for a different life and outcome, have provided me with new insight into how I make those choices. I already know that many of my recent decisions have come about from either consciously choosing a different option/reaction or from a place of remembering a more mindful solution.

But what tells me more than anything else that this time is different is the deep inner knowing that simple says to me, and to my ego … it is.

And that’s all I need to know.

TRANSFORMATION: In This Moment

A week back into the routine of up early, out the door by 8am, working all day, going to the gym, home after 8:30pm … and it has been fascinating to see how quickly that week, those five days vanished. NOW I understand how so many years passed by in such a fog, in particular the last two and a half!

It brings me back to the importance of being mindful, and re-enforces how essential it is to stay present in each moment.

I am grateful that I stopped to write down goals I wanted to achieve across the three months, June through August. And that, having written down those goals, I noted the plans, and the steps that would be needed to ensure they were met. Without this I would lose sight of where I want to head, and what I really want to be doing and I would find myself vanishing back into the fog for the next ten weeks.

And ten weeks can very quickly becomes years…

So I return my focus and intent to deepening my connection with my intuitive self, to exploring all aspects and beliefs that I have held, and determining if I feel any connection to them, or if they have just become subconsciously ingrained.

It is a slow process, but I have a deep feeling of inner contentment and a patient aspect of my soul has finally emerged. Dare I say, I almost feel Zen in my approach.

It truly is just one step, one day at a time. Tending to one thing a day towards achieving the goal, remaining mindful...and also, still being attached to the outcome with the full intent of my heart.

My soul and consciousness is walking in that dual dimension where “change is both on its way and has already come”. It is a peculiar and yet peaceful sensation to say that I have nothing to show, to prove my success, but I know the goal has already been achieved, success has already occurred. And though I may not be able to see it, I feel it as though it is…

But now its back to this moment, and the step I need to take next to ensure that it does.